Ay carumba.

It's been a LONG February so far.  Time is flying but it's sticking in the oddest ways.

Work's been slow, and our hours are getting cut, so everything I had started to get into place kind of fell apart.  I'm looking for a second job to help out.  (Financial security is impossible with a variable income)

Ziva has been a total mommy's girl lately. We had a scare with an aggressive German Shepard last week, and she's been more apt to not let me out of her sight since.  She did successfully meet two new friends (Fang, Arick's pug, and Bors, our friend Scotty's boxer) and have a dog park visit though.  (When my baby's in danger, I can take down a large dog with one hand)

I'm restless and out of sync right now, and I don't know why.  I've decided to set a weekly schedule, since mine is usually variable, and check it off as I go so that I can get back into my groove.  Work and the related money stress has really thrown me down, but thankfully there are so many upsides to my life that it isn't a big deal.

I absolutely failed in my resolution not to date.  Failed miserably.  He picked me up at 9, we went for ice cream, he met Ziva.  I met his friends and his dog.  He was sweet, called instead of texted to set up a date after I gave him my number.  Quick jump into a relationship, we're figuring it out as we go along.  We'll see how it goes.  I'm learning from my past and being more reserved than I have been in the past.  I'm holding onto myself a lot more, because I know I don't need a relationship.  I don't need a man.  I have my Ziva, my wonderful friends, and I'm strong.

Speaking of friends...they are amazing.  These last almost two months, I've really found out who matters in my life.  The ones who came over to watch a movie with me and hold me all night while I cried my eyes out (Matt, I love you); the ones who brought over chick flicks and action movies alike so I could idealize love and watch some serious blood and explosions (Heather, Rachel, and Sean, you are amazing); the roommates who helped me to bed when I was scared, almost used after too much to drink and angry to the point that I decked the sunuvabitch (Dea and Meg, you are the best).  There were ones who had laundry parties with ice cream (Melissa, you are the dynamic in our duo), the ones who broke radio silence for a workout (Austen, you are bueno nacho sir), and the ones who smile at me knowingly and support my failings at Adobe Premiere (Kyle, thank you for everything).

And now, now it's time to go to Estes Park with my family, including my brother and Tessa, and refind my zen that went away with two little emails and phone calls.