Whirlwind

Back in school.  Crazy times of it, rough weekend, great experiences...busy busy busy!!  Will tell more later.

"you turn around and a month's gone by, and you realize you haven't cried...I get a little bit stronger."  Haven't heard from you in two weeks.  I don't know how to feel about this.  More thoughts on this later...

First date tonight with a guy who works with my roommate Dea.  His name is Arick.  Good lord I fail at keeping my resolutions to not date...oops.  Don't particularly care though.  Here's hoping for a good evening!

100% on my first Spanish quiz.  Drill Sargent in Military Training this morning (day 1 survived): "Wow, you're in really good shape...and really flexible."  Loving all my classes so far.

I am so so so busy, but I love it.  Ziva and I go out every night for a run, and I feel like I'm managing my schedule well.

My great grandma is in the hospital right now, so we're all praying our hearts out for a quick and easy recovery.  Evelyn is just like us Sullivan girls, tough as nails and tenacious.  We love her so much.

Bad Dog

Thankfully, I did not come home to our couches torn to bits.  However, Ziva is entering the demonic almost-8 months old stage...

Saturday, it was the toilet paper I just bought.  Luckily, she only tore 4 of the 24 rolls before she got bored.
Yesterday, it was a water bottle someone had left out on the couch.

Tonight, though....tonight, Ziva Abigail Lyke truly surpassed herself.

She took a book off of my bedside table, and I came home to this scene in the entry way...

but not just any book...

not one of my cheap-o paperbacks...

not an old notebook...
no no no...

She tore apart a  library book.  One that is not mine...one that someone else wanted to enjoy too...one that I am now going to have to explain to our librarian as to why it is no longer going to grace their shelves.

Unfortunately, because of the weather, Ziva has not been out for her runs today or yesterday, but just brief walks.  So I suppose the energy has to go somewhere...I just wish it was on something that was MINE and not borrowed!

I'm having another lost couple of days.  I don't know how to describe these days beyond lost...I keep busy, but my mind is somewhere else...my eyes are searching the horizons for answers...my heart is heavy with the memories and possibilities and hopes and the gentle ache that seems to be almost constant now.

These are the days where even though I know it's going to be OK, that life has a reason for all of this...these are the days where all I can do is put on foot in front of the other and keep pushing on because I know I have to.  I keep moving on because it's all I know how to do.  It's all I can do.

I don't know what else to do.

So I work out, so I study my ASVAB and Spanish, I play with Dammit-Ziva, I look into Army National Guard and Air Force Reserves, anything to keep me walking down this path.

A little bit stronger

Realization: The passion with which I love is put into the rest of my life too.

Meaning: The loyalty, diligence, attentiveness, and effort I am willing to invest into my goals, school, and work will get me places.


Manifestation: Military physical training M-W-F, gymnastics T-Th, 2x daily walk/runs with Ziva, studying Spanish, attending a networking event in Denver (Feb 17), 36hours/week at work

I'm getting a little bit stronger.  For the first time, I'm not moving on to someone else, to another man...I'm moving on to me, myself, and my life.


I don't think I'm going to date for a while.  I'm going to be so busy this semester with 18 credits, work, and Ziva that I just don't want to invest the time into it.  I also know that most of the men I know aren't what I'm looking for in a relationship, and trying to mesh where they are/want with where I am/want is just asking for the same problems I've been having.  It's changing my approach to the situation to change the results (ie what's the one common element? me.)

The new semester is about a week away.  I'm excited for it.  I'm ready for it. 

Royal Advice

“The world is not the most pleasant place. Eventually your parents leave you and nobody is going to go out of their way to protect you unconditionally. You need to learn to 

stand up for yourself and what you believe and sometimes, pardon my language, kick some ass.”  

    -Queen Elizabeth II

 (with Ronald Reagan 1980)

Strong.  Assured.  Poised.  Confident.  Action despite trepidation.  A woman puts one foot in front of the other even when everything seems wrong.  A woman is beautiful even when she's lost.

I'm happy.  Truly happy with life.  I have no idea what's going to happen in my future, just hopes and a goal to get to daily, monthly, yearly, on and on.  One step at a time toward the horizon.  I'm lonely.  I want the dreams I had of us, but I'm content with the dreams I've had of myself, my dog, and our own life.  With or without someone, I am strong.  I am happy.

le nouveau an

Welcome to the future, one day at a time.

I get overwhelmed sometimes, thinking about where I'm going to be in the future...where I want to be.  I want to know that everything that's happened, and is happening, will have the desired effects and it will all work out.  I'm trying to worry less about then and focus on NOW. 

Ziva and I took another run through the park today; she did 3 miles and I did a second circuit totaling 6 miles.  I added some ab work on my (adopted from Meg) exercise ball after an upper body and flexibility workout last night.  I'm trying to finish each day with a good stretch before bed, to clear my head and calm my heart.

I need school to start; I have so much free time right now.  I've been reading non-stop, watching movies, working out for hours, working more as well, and I still have too much time.  I realized that even working full time, with a daily run and reading time, a lot of puppy time, and friend time still leaves me with a lot of free time. 
Good, in part, but bad for my dwelling thoughts that I try to get rid of.  I'm getting better about it.

Today's happy: running with Ziva, trying to fit me in a box at work (did not work), and a phone call from Adam, who is safely back in a snowy (!!) California.


Advice:

"The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long."